Counting days - 11/27/08

Head down, straight into the wind, I haven't much besides work, family duties and watching the days tick off until the election. I know the word has been overused during this campaign; but, after all the pros and cons and logical arguments, it comes down to one thing: an Obama Presidency would be instantly transformative. It would represent to the rest of the world that the people of this country reject what's happened over the last eight years, beginning the process of healing the damages caused by the Bush Presidency. A McCain Presidency would do the opposite. It really is that simple.

In the meantime, my younger sister, and now my mother, both have terminal cancer. It's been stressful. Sometimes, it's been almost overwhelming. The silver lining has been interacting with family members I don't connect with often enough.

This weekend, it became apparent that Sis Bel isn't feeding herself and lying about it, saying that she is. She has a feeding tube through her abdomen directly into her stomach and is supposed to infuse it with liquid formula five or six times a day. This morning I could barely wake her and over the course of the morning I realized that she hasn't been "eating". Up until now, she's been modest and private about her feeding, and taking care of it herself, but today, I took it over and will have to continue to make it my job, at least until we can get some kind of home health care, which I think we can do. It will take a little time, though, and will require that I miss some work. I know they'll let me, but it will mean a reduction in income. Mama will help.

Probably the hardest thing about the whole situation is that they're separated, Mama and Bel. It's so strange, going back and forth between them, and they can't see each other. Mama worked so hard taking care of Bel during her illness and now, confined to the nursing floor of her Peachtree Road retirement residence, only able to briefly visit her own apartment, recovering from a partial hip replacement with newly-discovered cancer massively spread, she can't even come over to see Bel. I'm hopeful that we'll be able to bring her for a visit soon. I am mostly calm and centered, but it's just so terribly sad.

So we're all counting every day, in more ways than one. I'm trying to do my best at keeping up with my responsibilities at work and to do my part of taking care of Mama and Bel. Thankfully, Sis Kath has handled most of the business end of Mama's care, and I've ended up just spending evenings sitting with her after work.

Amidst all of this, I can't take my eyes off this election, holding my breath, thinking this might really happen, gasping a little, almost like the wind gets kind of knocked out of me, getting goose bumps and sometimes welling tears every time I let myself for a moment believe that it just might... waiting on transformation.