Balance 4/1/05

I am precariously placed at work. I got the job because the company that hired me didn't have faith in the processes of a company with which they had partnered. I was hired and am paid by my company, but I work at the other, distrusted, company. The two entities are working together in an uneasy alliance, on a number of jobs. I realize that my best interests lie in the partnership working, so, while my first responsibility is to the people who hired me and pay me, my job is more secure if I do my best for all the parties. It's a fine line to walk and there is no shortage of extreme personalities.

I honestly like everyone involved, even the off-the-charts, abrasively volatile, workaholic leader of the company I've been hired to coerce into compliance with some semblance of standards, although I'm very grateful that he doesn't go home with me at night like my last boss did, and, so far, he's made an effort to restrain his temper around me. I feel a tremendous amount of empathy with the woman who is married to this difficult partner. In many very basic ways, our experiences are similar, her position as precarious as mine was right before it all fell apart. I'm just a little farther along in the process. I have escaped, but I hope that things go differently for her than they did for me, and I can see that she's trying hard to make this work, that she's driven and earnestly determined, that she realizes this is her best chance at having a happy ending to her story and leaving something of value out of the relationship for her kids.

I wanted a mindless job, or at least one that was well-defined and contained to working hours. I tried to get hired as a flight attendant (stop laughing!) by Atlantic Southeast Airlines. I had a vision of myself living someplace lovely near the ocean and commuting, taking university classes in writing and computer-related subjects, blogging about my travels and making pots. I specifically did not want a job that required significant emotional and psychological engagement, that stuck in my head long after I had left the office, that invaded my dreams. What the hell did I know?