Girlie Girl 9/30/04

I woke up yesterday morning feeling, for lack of a better word, feminine. I have no idea where *that* came from, and am thinking that I must need to lower the precarious dose of black cohosh and soy isoflavones that sort of staves off the episodes of flaming red face and neck accompanied by profuse sweating, known to the rest of the world as hot flashes. Maybe it's fall and I'm reminded somewhere deep in my brain of the distant past and sweet quiet walks in the cool hills of West Virginia, wearing a letter jacket that didn't belong to me and falling in love for the first time. I dunno. Whether it's hormonal or seasonal, it better freaking GO AWAY! I went to Target yesterday to pick up a case of bottled water for our baseball game last night and found myself drawn to the cosmetics, shaking my head with puzzled fright, wondering just what sort of being (clearly a female one) had taken control of my body. I didn't linger long, lest I be seen, but I surreptitiously snatched a dark red lip gloss and plopped it down on top of the water to pay. I loaded the case of water into the trunk amidst the team equipment, slipped the lip gloss in my purse and threw away the packaging. What in the world was happening to me? I sat down in the driver's seat and pulled down the visor to look in the mirror. I felt so tired and haggard, certain that, while understanding that I can't really *see* myself (at least not as others see me), I must look older than I am. I put on the lipstick. Now, I had a pedicure for Two's high school graduation last spring, a nice unobtrusive frosted peachy color, because I was forced into wearing a dress and fancy shoes for the occasion (actually, twice), but I confess that I've been carrying my favorite dark red nail polish in the bottom of the surprise-filled gunny sack I call a purse for more years than I care to admit. I looked at my watch and started the car, and by the time I realized what I was doing, I was walking into the nail salon. I now have dark red toenails that perfectly match my new lip gloss (accompanied by just the tiniest bit of guilt for spending even a small amount of the grocery money on myself), and no idea what has come over me. None of this is good news, although I do have some, 'cause we won our baseball game last night and are now 2-3 for the season, which beats the hell out of being 1-4. The bad news is that I let my hair down (literally, not figuratively) at the game and I'm still struggling with this strange uncontrollable surge of femininity today. Every time I catch a glimpse of my adorned feet, they startle me and I wonder for just a second, exactly whose they are and why they look so nice. Upon accepting that they're mine, or at least that they're attached to my legs, I steady myself, confused and not at all sure of what I'm going to do next.