When I started this blog, my Catholic experiences were right up there at the top of the list of things I wanted to sort through by writing, but I've done very little of that. In fact, I've had but one entry that was entirely about Catholicism, written after the death of Karol Wojtyla, Pope John Paul II. In that entry, A Chance to Change, I said (among other things):
I believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with the concept of Papal Infallibility, that it constitutes an embrace of the idea that any human can always be right and flies in the face of what I believe God has given us as an imperative, to get up every day of our lives and look for how we are wrong so that we can continue to learn and grow... I believe that the hierarchy and power structure of the Catholic Church resembles a dysfunctional family in which power flows from a controlling leader who is always right and can never be challenged, and the governing emotion is shame, where victims are reviled and attacked as the source of the guilt and no one ever admits making a mistake or sincerely apologizes.
This is something I have given fairly substantial consideration, as I tried to make what I considered to be a sacramental marriage work, tried to make it be something other than perpetual pain for me, through counseling, both secular and religious, behaviorist and experiential, searching for answers to keep hope for success alive. I used various forms of meditation as well as medication, some administered by professionals, others by me, to try to keep the pain at a level I could tolerate. I was willing to try or do anything, but the one thing that would have helped was not available to me, because I was the only one willing to try, because being right and not acknowledging any mistake was more important to him than I was and this behavior was ingrained into his being at the level of his faith.
This morning, I read at CNN.com that Pope Benedict announced, oddly appearing to think it was an apology, "I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg..." without even a touch of irony. He is the chosen leader of all the Catholics in the world and doesn't understand what a slap in the face that is to the Islamic world. "I'm sorry you're offended," or "I'm sorry you feel that way," is not an apology, is not an admission of having made a mistake, but is rather an accusation under the guise of apology, a lie, false, a dig, denied.
Interaction without personal responsibility for mistakes doesn't work, creates dysfunction that will cause discomfort somewhere in the relationship. The pretense of infallibility ruins everything, whether it's in a family, a government or a church. "I'm sorry for the reactions..." is not an apology but rather castigation, the laying of blame on the Islamic world for having taken offense to his words, and the position they represent.
I mean no disrespect to Catholicism, Catholics or The Church. Two of my three beloved sons are Catholic. I guess, at least on paper, I am Catholic, although, despite my abiding faith in God and my deeply personal love of the Liturgy, I cannot any longer find a way to be comfortable in a culture that so resembles the structure of a dysfunctional family because it is led by one who can never admit a mistake.
Addendum: The media persists in calling this an apology. There is nothing apologetic about it. It was an accusation of over-reaction. In no way did he acknowledge having done wrong or express contrition for having done so.
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