It looked on the radar like a little pulse of snow skipped across the southeast yesterday. I don't know if it fell in North Carolina, where our friend Sean lies so seriously ill, hospitalized in Chapel Hill, or if it just evaporated in the cold as it did here. Today, without warming up much, there will at least be a little more sun. I'm not particularly comforted by the cold light. Somehow gray drizzle would seem more appropriate, since snow doesn't appear to be an option.
I chose to stay home with a fire last night instead of heading up to our regular neighborhood spot with the gang. It was a heckuva week at the KSDCo, short handed with new projects starting up and a help wanted ad running in the local paper, my phone rang off the hook and the front door produced eager candidates all week, a stream of good people who really, really need that job. Most of them are going to be disappointed and are going to hear about it from me. My heart is heavy for them.
Of course, the constant thread running through all of it has been The Oldest's dear friend Sean and his family, constantly in my thoughts and prayers, and I remind myself that no news really is good news. Somewhere around Thursday, I realized that every time The Oldest's name appeared on my cell's caller ID, I became anxious and fearful. Is this it? Am I about to answer my phone and hear him deliver that news? Thankfully, so far, that hasn't happened. The Oldest is talking regularly to those who are with Sean, and there doesn't appear to be much change over the course of the week, all of which is a long way from last Sunday, when he was slipping away and they brought in the priest to administer Last Rites, and sent his brother back with his unit to Iraq, having said his good-byes. They are again trying to treat his cancer and he continues to fight, at least, last I heard.
Now, I've been flat bowled over by the amazing response of my readers and their readers, who have offered their loving thoughts, their active prayers and those of their church communities, their powerful collective human energy for Sean's healing, physical and spiritual, placing it into whichever hands their faith (or lack thereof) mandates. It has been moving to the point of being overwhelming, so beautiful. I cannot thank you enough, whether you offered prayer or kind words or thoughts or just a little virtual tap on the shoulder, whether you posted on your blog or commented on mine or another's, whether you sent an email or just thought of Sean, his family and his friends, during this week, I thank you. Most particularly, I must thank my dear long-time blogging friend, Monica, who started a Circle of Prayer and was joined by Deni and Phoenix, Karen, Walker and Susan, each posting a request for prayers, thoughts and positive energy for Sean on their own blogs. There has been so much love sent Sean's way and our way, that it's hard to keep track of it all, and if you posted about Sean on your blog and I missed linking to it here, please let me know in comments or by a message and I'll fix that right on up.
I don't pretend to know God's will, or whether Sean's meant to stay on here with us or to pass peacefully, but I can't help but think that all of this loving energy released into the universe has to be a good thing, so I'll just keep rollin' as long as I'm able, and I'll keep on praying as long as there's hope, believing in my heart in the power of healing prayer and of collective spiritual energy. I'm reminded of the wise words I quoted just a couple of posts ago, from one of Dr. Ursa's blogs:
I tell God what I want, and then God does what He wants insofar as I am able to let Him work through me, and we're both OK with that. He accepts my flaws and limited vision, and I accept the premise that He's the only one who knows what is best in any given situation.
I don't know what The Oldest will do next, whether he'll go back to Chapel Hill sooner rather than later, or whether he'll head to Wilmington to finish the process of moving home that he seems to have begun. I think he's decided not to join The Youngest and visit Middle Son in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, mostly because he doesn't want to be stuck all the way down there when he might need to get to North Carolina fast.
I'll leave you today with one last heartfelt thank you and a picture that I took last May at Wrightsville Beach, at a celebration held in honor of The Oldest and a handful of his friends who graduated that day from UNCW. Sean, having graduated the previous December, and already battling cancer (which was at the time diagnosed as lymphoma), came late, after work. From left to right are Mike, Bobby (The Youngest), Rich (friends since first grade, he came all the way from Atlanta for the occasion) and Sean:
Thank y'all so much. Please continue to remember Sean in your thoughts and prayers. Peace.
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